LeliaThomas.Com

Hump Day Funnies: Superb Hate Mail (Thank you, Claire!)

On occasion, I get hate mail. The funny thing about all my hate mail to date (and I do mean all my hate mail) is that it rarely makes sense, almost always ends up with schoolyard name calling and excessive cursing. Today’s hate mail, however, has really taken the cake, so I would like to thank Claire L. for being the airhead she is.

As most of you likely know, I offer my website’s RSS feed through FeedBurner. FeedBurner also has a service where you can subscribe to my website’s content via email, meaning you receive a “newsletter” of sorts, when I post new content. Apparently Claire L. was brilliant and lovely enough to subscribe at some point in the past, so she was receiving my posts in her inbox, as I made them. Sadly, Claire L. DOESN’T LIKE MY WEBSITE ANYMORE!!!!1!!! and felt the need to share this fact with me in a very hilarious email:

I don’t know why I get a daily email from you. I delete them and block them on a daily basis. However todays one opened auomaticaly. I felt compelled to respond……WHAT AN ABSOLUTE LOAD OF SHIT!

DELETE ME FROM YOUR LIST IMMEDIATELY. YOU’RE CLEARLY A FUCK WIT WITH NO IDEA WHATSOVER

There you have it, folks. My most recent post of over 2,300 words–refuted with the clearly academic, six-word response of “WHAT AN ABSOLUTE LOAD OF SHIT!” I should use that more often. Unsurprisingly, though, I found Claire L. was the one full of it, and so I wrote her shortly after I received her email.

Hi Claire,

I don’t subscribe users to my feed through FeedBurner, so you obviously subscribed at some point in the past. Speaking of “fuckwits with no idea whatsoever,” apparently you missed a huge chunk of text that was at the bottom of the newsletter:

You are subscribed to email updates from LeliaThomas.Com
To stop receiving these emails, you may unsubscribe now.
Inbox too full? Subscribe to the feed version of LeliaThomas.Com in a feed reader.
If you prefer to unsubscribe via postal mail, write to: LeliaThomas.Com, c/o FeedBurner, 20 W Kinzie, 9th Floor, Chicago IL USA 60610

So, as you can see, I have no control over this. You are the only one with control over your subscriptions. If you disagree with me, that is quite all right; and if you wish to unsubscribe, you certainly can, but only you can control your account. Makes sense, yes? You could always use email filters, too, if you could possibly fathom how to use such a complex mechanism.

In the future, I suggest you read all of the text before making yourself look like an absolute ass.

Oh, and thank you for subscribing, Claire!

Cheers,
Lelia Thomas

For some reason, I get the feeling that Claire L. won’t be replying to me. I also get the feeling that, in the event that she’s yet to understand how to unsubscribe, she will hate me even more for this.

Curiosity got to me, though, after I sent my email. Do I have control over the people on that email list? Strike me down, I do, come to find out. For some reason, though, after being told that what I write is “absolute shit,” and that I’m a “fuckwit,” I’m not really compelled to help her out.

Comments ordered from oldest to newest.

Edrei

Ahh…nothing like freshly brewed stupidity in the morning to make you wish you could go back to sleep. Makes you wonder how we managed to survive this long.

Eli James

*giggles in a corner*

Kav P

I have no idea how an email opens ‘auomaticaly’, but I’m sure it’s awesome.

Lelia

Yes, I “auomaticaly” laughed when I saw that. And I like how fuck became an adjective for the noun wit. Just imagine the possibilities.

Tors

LOL. Your hate mail looks suspiciously similar to the hate mail I get on my site. Hmmmm… :)

Lelia

Curse that idiot gene! It sure does get around…

Nikki

Wow, people like that are just funny. That’s really all you can, just laugh. They provide great amusement.

Hump Day Funnies: Hate Mail from DandurP » LeliaThomas.Com

[...] Ah, Dandur, you have enlightened me. I am growing. I am adding my hate mail category thanks to you and Claire. [...]