LeliaThomas.Com

April 2007: These Feelings Will Make Me Explode

I guess it is part of being a sentient human that you find some months easier to handle than others. While this month has, in fact, been irrefutably good to me, I’ve found myself moody and restless at times. There are things I am angry and frustrated about, things I’m recovering from since last month, things I am dealing with that I thought I had gotten over, things I can’t or won’t put into words to tell others about. Gasp. Take a breath.

Through the harder times, I tell myself the same thing I always have. Tears and whinging do not change a thing. There is a time and place for them, but they are mostly a waste of time, especially when you consider the fact that there are others in the world dealing with much, much bigger problems. Yet here I was this month, nonetheless struggling to stay focused. With the university semester more than halfway over, too, I have no room to be struggling. I know I’ll manage in the end, but I don’t want to just manage. I want to excel.

Easter came and went, and it seems as if it happened ages ago, not just a few weeks ago. I took a test on JavaScript programming that went way, way over my head, especially considering I took it with only a couple of hours of sleep under my belt (real smart, I know). (I barely passed it, when rounding up.) Pål took a trip to Houston, Texas, and came back with a newfound love for baseball. Petter experienced a “series of unfortunate events” all by himself, including the loss of his wallet and locking himself out of his apartment in the cold one night. It’s amazing just how much can happen in a month!

There has been some good thrown in with the bizarre, though, of course.

Son of a beach!

(Click the thumbnail to see the larger version.) I like the city, more than I would have ever imagined, but sometimes I miss the countryside, too. I miss trees that stretch on for miles. I miss complete silence in the night. I miss crickets and whippoorwills and lakes. Sometimes when friends and I go to more natural settings here, I find myself nostalgic. Like so much of me, I feel as the bridge caught between two worlds, two concepts.

This was a good afternoon, even if it was cold(!). I tagged along with Morten to work on one of his projects. I’m glad I did. It helped inspire me enough to finish what I was struggling to create at the time–When the Rain Fell.

Unleashing the Beast

Definitely one of the highlights of April for me was my being one of the 15 winners for the Unleashed Exhibition, held at the Collingwood Gallery. It meant a lot to me, to see my work printed large and hanging in a gallery, and to meet a few of the really nice people who made it possible. It meant a lot, too, that so many of my friends came to see it with me. Even Greg came up to my area for the night. Look, here’s proof, as seen the next day.

Also hanging in the gallery was a smaller print of my work No Worries. Now, as always, my life tangos with irony. No Worries was the first photo manipulation I ever created, consisting of three or four of my own photographs taken in Tennessee. Free, of course, is my most recent photo manipulation, consisting of 13 photos. It felt funny to see my work, to date, come full circle in a single room.

The event at the gallery led me to write one of my favorite teachers, Betsy Bucher, too. She taught at the elementary school I attended in fifth and sixth grade, and to say she altered the course of my life would be an understatement. It is because of her that I, being the semi-perfectionist that I am, learned to allow myself to make mistakes and enjoy the learning process that can be creative self-expression. It is also because of her and three other teachers that I desire to teach one day. The impact she and the other three had on my life far outweighed any of the negativity found in other teachers. I can only hope I can do such things for young people someday.

I heard back from her through her daughter, which was more wonderful than I can express.

Thou Shalt Not Stress Out

One thing I had to re-learn this month was to not over-plan. In the past, I have learned that some of the times when I study hard and prepare the most become the very times that the results are not as good. I don’t know what it is in my personality, perhaps a deep-set anxiousness that over-planning awakens, but if I over-plan or over-study, I expect monumental things from myself, which in turn drives me to a nervous frenzy. I think that’s what happened when I had my Popular Culture presentation last month.

Well, this month was a presentation in Texts and Contexts. It had been my intention to prepare well for it, but between Greg and Morten and my own personal desire to do a bit of goofing off after my high of being to the gallery, I ended up going almost totally unprepared for my speech before the class.

And I did okay when it came time to do it–maybe even well.

I didn’t flub up or stumble over my words or have the want to run and jump out the window, like last time. I went in with a “what the hell” attitude, and it worked. It makes no sense, but then my personality has never been conventional.

By the way, this was a video I used during my presentation. It’s an excellent and funny critique on the media that I feel everyone should watch. Go, Charlie Brooker!

Of Costumes and Friends

One thing I tried to remember was that, no matter the stresses of life, I should never forget to laugh and be ready to make a complete fool of myself. Life is too short to not do these things. And so I did, both internationally and locally.

There was one night where I got online to talk to Kavita, as I’m known to do, and I turned on the webcam, only to find her donning a very gothic style.

Apparently Greg started it, and she followed. They used permanent marker.

After some reluctance, I gave in and said I’d follow suit with eyeliner. (Which, by the way, after judging from personal experience, I’d have to say that it looks like permanent marker washes off much, much easier than eyeliner. Go figure.)

The three of us: one in Japan, one in outer Melbourne and me, close to the center. It’s fun to live in a time where such absurdities are possible.

But this was not the only dressing up this month. No, no. Morten had a couple of photo shoots he had to rent costumes for. Check out some of the videos.

Just for good measure and equal opportunity, here’s Rune and Jana.

Goodbye, April.

I’ll remember this month for a long time, for all the changes and feelings it brought upon me, not to mention the workload. I’ll remember it for moving at both lightning and sloth-like speeds. And, in the way I’m bound to say each month of my life: I can’t believe another month has passed. We’re a third of the way through 2007. It’s about to be May. I’ve been living abroad for ten months now.

Life is short, and I’ve got so much left to do. I also must remember–as well all must–that the good and the bad are both parts of the journey.

Links of April

• Creative writings and artwork posted this month.
• Del.icio.us links this month.
• Flickr uploads this month.

Comments ordered from oldest to newest.

Ina

hihihi, i love the atronaut video! i want to dress up too, not that fun alone though… hmm… =)

Lelia

Hmm, when you come back, we’ll have to make it so! Hehe. :D

Elise

Hi Lelia!

Firstly, sorry about not making it to the exhibition. I’ve had a fairly busy month too (particularly the last week) and just couldn’t get into the city.

Secondly, I can relate to your perfectionism holding you back. I used to be like that, to the point where I was failing because I was too proud to hand in assignments that I wasn’t happy with(duh!). I ‘ve since learned that my best work is crammed work!

I hope May brings you some breathing space.

Lelia

You make me feel much better, Elise! It seems so weird that the best way to cope with overworking/perfectionism is to wait until the last minute to do things, but it appears to work! hahaha

Don’t worry about not making it to the exhibition. :) But do tell me next time you’re up in the city! We’ll have to do something! :)

You have a good May, too. I hope you’re still enjoying your nurse work. ^^

kav p

Seriously now, who drinks wine with a straw? :|

That said, I’m glad I was able to help in a small way to relaxing you a little.

I just wish next time you would let me take coax you to take your pants off as well. Gosh, Lelia.