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Hump Day Funnies: The End of the World Now in Melbourne and Beyond

The headline says it all, right? It took fourteen grueling hours on a United Airlines flight from hell to reach this fairly-isolated island known as Australia, where, of course, kangaroos, koalas and half-clothed Aboriginal people run freely all the time. (It’s exactly like Steve Irwin portrays it to be!) It’s also been here in Melbourne that I have, in fact, found the end of the world. It’s in Box Hill, a suburb of the city. It involves an escalator, the time of day when you get crap-all tired and, in most cases, Asians. Lots and lots of Asians.

The end of the world is a sign, actually, a warning that things are not always as they seem. That escalator that’s going up? Pfft, illusion! Just you wait until 2pm. And you better pray to God that you can read English–despite the hugely non-westernized Asian demographic that makes up Box Hill–because the sign’s in English. The End of the World Notices only come in English, so I guess you’re screwed if you’re foreign. Sorry!

Also notice the McDonald’s in the picture? IT’S BACKWARDS. OH MY GOD. Just like when I flush the toilet or look to my right to cross the road. Really.

Another sign of the end of the world is that all the people of Norway are coming to live in Australia. Plato predicted this would happen, and, of course, since Plato gave us the history of Atlantis, we all know Plato is 100 percent factual. Here are two Norwegians I managed to capture in the wild. One of them is trying to fit in as he drinks Coca-Cola, but anyone can see through that exterior. The other? Pure evil, just by the look on his face.

I have actually spotted at least four other Norwegians and have come within close proximity of two specifically. I haven’t been able to catch them on camera yet, however. Perhaps I will get them next when at their weakest: when drinking.

Here is a really gross shot. A Norwegian fraternizing with an Asian. Australia–no, the world–is doomed. We all know what happens when you get an Asian and an English-speaker within the same region. Lots of outsourcing, that’s what.

Judging by the photo, too, perhaps an increase in metrosexuality?

That’s really all there is to it. The end of the world is in Australia, and it’s spreading virally…

About Hump Day Funnies

Making it to “Hump Day”–an American(?) colloquialism for Wednesday, or the middle of the week–can sometimes be hard, and you still have two more days to go before you get a break! Laughing is a great way to relax and pass the time. In the event that the world doesn’t end, you can email me at leliathomas@gmail.com with ideas, links or anything else that you would perhaps like to have featured here.

Comments ordered from oldest to newest.

Ren

We all know what happens when you get an Asian and an English-speaker within the same region. Lots of outsourcing, that’s what.

CLASSIC! *LOL*

Kent

Do you have anything against Norwegians?

According to Wikipedia, there are 14300 Norwegians living in Australia. And we are about 4.6 millions in Norway. So, in percent: 0.03 % lives in Australia. I would not call that all Norwegians. And I haven’t been there yet.

That’s my story. I like your website.

Hey, what plugin do you use to allow “notification of new comments to this entry”?

Lelia

Ren, we know it’s true! You should see my washer/dryer manual. Engrish to the max!

Kent, this post was entirely sarcastic. The Norwegians in this picture, and the Asian guy, are all my best friends here. It’s been humourous the amount of Norwegians I have met, though. It seems there are at least one or two in every circle of people I get introducted to.

As for the WP plugin, that’s something from Tempus Fugit, and it can be found here. :)