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The Weeping Orchid

Anger bubbled beneath Orchid’s breast as she stumbled across the flagstone outside of the judgment hall. A sickly knot had settled in her stomach. She could do nothing.

The Silent One—the one who had conceived her from the palm of his hand, as an oyster bears a pearl—had passed judgment on the Man of Arrows, sending him far away, into another time. The man who made white strikes across the black skies was beyond Orchid’s reach.

She drifted aimlessly in the gardens, weeping. Her hair, once white, became the colour of onyx. Her eyes, once sky blue, turned dark and stormy. Flowers rise to rain, to cloudless skies and men with lightning arrows. There was no rain, no clear sky, no man of arrows.

One day Orchid walked to the end of the gardens, where the end of the godsworld meets the sky. She stared downward wantonly on our old world, and when she cried, she cried petals of many colours.

Orchid did not see the lightning as she spun down to earth, but she felt distant warmth and smiled. Blooming one final time, she left a weeping flower in her likeness.

Details

Another piece birthed from my fiction writing class. The requirement was to write a 100 to 200 word piece that had something to do with a creation myth. I decided to tell the story of how the orchid came into existence. I think this would be better presented orally than simply read!

Comments ordered from oldest to newest.

SkeptiC

Do you enjoy reading your work aloud? Thats a good point the way you say that you think it would be better read orally. Probably a lot of people feel that way about their writing, but would never really want to read it aloud for a group or a crowd.

Lelia

Just replying to old comments I never got around to…

At any rate, I don’t mind reading my work aloud. In fact, before I ever post anything, I read it aloud, either just to myself, or record it and listen to it later. It helps me notice subtle things that I might not have picked up on otherwise.

Reading my work aloud to a group was a new experience for me in my fiction writing class. It was very hard at times. As stupid as it sounds, here I not only feel like the new kid on the block (which I’m quite used to!), but also as a foreigner. It’s awkward, because you don’t always know that a word you use or a style of humour is going to be accepted in the same way as it might be where you’re from.

When reading to the class, I was acutely aware that I was there, solely for my work to be critiqued. It makes it hard, but it’s worth it. I got a lot more out of that class than others, because I was willing to put myself on the chopping block, so to speak.

Alyssa

This creation myth was very well done. It was brief, yet sufficient enough to retain the feel of legends. I can easily see this fitting into any pantheon.