LeliaThomas.Com

Warning: Do not abuse.

The older I get, the more amazed I am at how fickle some people can be. I used to believe that I would get used to it, but I actually find it harder to process now than in the past, simply because I will never understand how some people don’t develop a certain level of maturity. What is it in people that makes them so selfish that they will go to any length to make sure they are happy, no matter the emotional or physical pain it will cause those around them?

I’ve encountered these kinds of people multiple times in my life, sad to say. They’re of the caliber to be wonderful only when they’re interested in being that way, and then they turn, snake-like. The second they don’t like something or hit a hard spot in life–as we all do!–they want to put all their burdens on you, the acquaintance, the friend, the lover, family member. Whoever you may be to them, they fully expect you to just “deal” with it and their crazy unpredictability. And, of course, their personal pain is ten times anything you might be experiencing (or have ever experienced!), or at least in their opinion. (I wrote Truth Behind the Mask around this same sort of topic.)

I had a friend several years ago who had suddenly stopped calling me and just generally participating in my life. When I asked her what the problem was, she gave me a letter. The basic answer was that she didn’t feel her “other friends” would be comfortable around me; and while in different words, she was essentially embarrassed by my nature to speak my mind, even if I’m not in agreement with everyone else in the room. Her letter ended with “but I hope we can still be friends.” (The answer was no, in case you’re wondering. We haven’t spoken in four years, and judging on the person she is now, that’s not a bad thing at all.)

I can’t stand these kind of people, and I guess it is immaturity and “living in the now” that makes them the way they are. These are the people who stab you with a butcher’s knife; then they have the balls to say, “I’m just doing it because I have to! I hope you still like me!” No, no, I really do not. I had no idea you were this big of a selfish asshole when I met you.

In my mind, when you have people like this in your life, you cut them off as soon as possible and completely. Give them a way to contact you, should they ever mature enough to do so, but otherwise, go your merry way and don’t look back. You can’t trust them or confide in them, because they’ve already proven that the whole foundation of your relationship is rocky and is a total lie.

To put it into perspective, would you buy a house because you loved the painting in its dining room, even though you saw the foundation crumbling to pieces? Hopefully not! So why would you try to keep a relationship with someone who cannot even promise you the base form of it? Let them live with themselves, I say.

People have told me I treat the immaturity of others callously. Yet it is only those who I have loved and cherished that I can do nothing but walk away from when they have turned on me. My method may seem harsh, yes, but it hasn’t proven ill for me in the past. The last few people who have been like this to me have become at least one of the following: an illegitimate teen mother, an alcoholic or a sex object to the masses. So far, I’ve come out okay, though. Imagine that.

Now, petty arguments and small hurts are understandable; all relationships have these problems. However, I’m one of the worst people in the world to hurt at the core, and then expect to bounce back just fine. Why should I or anyone else suffer continuing abuse? Abuse is not love or friendship, and I don’t think anyone should tolerate it, emotionally or physically. And, in my opinion, if a person’s done it once in any form, he or she will do it again unless there’s been a major change.

So what are your feelings? What do you do when someone you love and care for turns on you? Do you forgive completely and later regret it? Do you move on without them, like me? What’s your philosophy?

Comments ordered from oldest to newest.

assmaster

For me, it’s a question of balance. A lot of us out there are obstinate people, but I know that I want to be the bigger guy. I also know that that is something I want to do without it meaning caving in to other people.

And knowing who to trust, and who to not invest time in. People can deserve a second chance, there’s more to most people than two dimensions, then again..

When it comes to forgiving, it’s something I do out of my own interest in feeling well. Most of the time though, I move on.

Cheryl

I can definitely relate to not being able to understand how some people can go as low as they do–treating others with such dishonesty and immaturity or even outright abuse in its many forms. How I think I should handle these people is a) try to forgive them as Christ forgave me) b) discontinue the relationship to the extent that is necessary for my family’s or my own personal health and c) pray for them that God will somehow break through their denial and blindness to the truth. Sometimes even that is too much to continue to do and if it causes too much pain, I would wait until you have been healed sufficiently from the wounds they inflicted.

Lelia

Cheryl, firstly, thanks for dropping by. :) Also, thank you for your comment. It is hard for many people to see truth, however, especially in today’s world. I find that most people have to grow into it, which is rather unfortunate to think about!