LeliaThomas.Com

A 13-Year-Old is Not a Playboy Bunny

I have a serious problem with teenagers who are trying to act like adults, even those who are mature for their age. In our modern world, young teenage minds (ages 13-16) are not physically developed enough to make adult decisions. This isn’t the 17th century, where nine-year-olds have been taught how to get jobs and have been forced to make adult decisions and, therefore, know how to make them. No, this is the modern world of children who have been pampered in some form or fashion their whole lives. This is fine! Children should be pampered in some ways, I think, but if we’re going to do that, we shouldn’t also believe that they have the mental foresight that it takes to make good and sound decisions, especially when it comes to sex and seduction.

Something that has intrigued me of late, when it comes to young teenagers, is the number of local issues of pedophiles and other sex offenders working in the public school system. There seems to be a question that no one is willing to ask: What came first? The sex offender’s warped mind and addiction or the promiscuous and lewd openness of the 13/14/15/etc.-year-old teenager?

This is not to suggest, in any way, that a teenager’s poor judgment is any excuse for a sex offender’s behavior–none at all. I realize that not all cases, or maybe even a majority of them, can be related to ill-placed and flirtatious temptations of a teenager. It is rather to say that we need to look at how we allow teens to behave.

Uniforms? Unnecessary. Dress code? Vital.

I will always stand with the notion that a school that supports uniforms is being somewhat unrealistic. If you demand that children wear uniforms inside a school, it doesn’t influence their choice in dress at all when they’re out of school. Dress codes that allow free expression in terms of clothing are best, I think. They’re more like what one will encounter in the real world–and isn’t that what school is about, teaching children about reality, about how to act in the world as we know it?

There was a dress code in my high school that was only halfway implemented; this is somewhat understandable, considering the teacher-to-student ratio. However, some cases blatantly stand out and present the question of what is wrong with our society. Several of my peers, when we were in the 13-16 age group, wore explicitly sexual clothing to class. I don’t mean some things were low cut. I mean Playboy bunnies were proudly laid out on girls’ t-shirts, and boys had t-shirts of sprawled-out females.

Failing to use the dress code’s rule of decency here is not only detrimental to a teenager’s notion of reality in that they need to learn they shouldn’t wear such things in public if they expect good returns for their work, but also in the fact that it puts children on adult display.

How many grown men have never thought of a 14-year-old girl in a sexual manner until they saw one in explicitly sexual clothing? How many recovering sex offenders never would have had a new offense if teenagers had acted like what they really are, young adults, rather than young porn stars? Again, this isn’t to excuse a sex offender. It is a question of our [adult] judgment though.

Parents should be held somewhat accountable.

In my mind, any man or woman who has committed an offense against a child or teenager should be locked up and have the key thrown away–no second chances. And yet, even with that in mind, I think there are two kinds of a sexual offense against a minor. While both are absolutely grotesque and despicable, they hold different connotations as to how they should be handled in a court of law.

The first is against a complete innocent, no matter the age. This person was a victim merely for his or her existence and unfortunate luck of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, with the wrong person.

The second is against a minor who is trying to act like an adult and trying to receive an adult, sexual response in return. This person, while still definitely a victim, served as an obvious temptation and did so on purpose. This is poor judgment on a teen’s part, and it is where I must ask: Where were the parents? Even if they weren’t around, where did all their teaching and careful discipline go? Did it not exist at all?

In regard to the disgusting and demeaning clothing (disgusting and demeaning, because it was on a child) that I mentioned above, where were the parents when the children bought the clothing, washed it and hung it up in their closet? Where were the parents when the child walked out of the house in such a manner? Clothing is like an outward projection of one’s personality, whether we like to admit that or not. For instance, I find t-shirts from T-Shirt Hell to be hilarious and several to be in agreement with my perceptions, but I wouldn’t let my young girls and boys wear them. It projects a meaning onto a minor that just shouldn’t be there or be promoted.

First and foremost, offenders are to blame, but then who comes next? Other teachers for failing to push for decency? I can’t say that’s totally it. What about the parents?

In my mind, any parent who knowingly supports and nonchalantly laughs at the lewd temptations of his own child is an accomplice in many an offender’s crime. At the very least, it is neglect. If a parent is locked away for physically starving a child, should he not also be held accountable for emotionally disabling the same being? Is it not emotionally and socially detrimental and dangerous to insinuate to a young person that “playing with fire” with someone three times your age is okay?

Reality Check

I think America’s main problem in regard to all this is that we’re irresponsible. We like to think that at a certain age children just suddenly grow up mentally, even though their bodies haven’t come into agreement with that yet. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard adults, parents, say, “Well, he’s old enough now that he can make his own decisions. I can’t really stop him.” If the teenager, the child, is still living under your roof, and you’re still driving him places, then yes, yes, you can make a decision on his behalf; you can enforce that decision, because you are the adult. It’s called loving authority, loving discipline. It helps guide our next generation through a path of wisdom that only experienced adults can truly give.

But this takes responsibility and work. It means you have to set aside your work, your latest DVD or video game, the iPod and Blackberry you got for Christmas, and your new fad diet and actually think of another human being. Novel thought, no?

The reality check is that how you guide your children to behave is essentially what will make or break them in the future. Barring mental and physical disabilities and problems, your child is like a clean storyboard. Whatever scene you help to write on his or her storyboard, especially during the early teen years, begins to write his whole life story. Do you really want to write in a sex scene at an inappropriate time?

If, at some point, you decide the story is no longer yours to help write and guide, even though it is, you leave your child open for making poor decisions–not because he or she is stupid, but because of natural immaturity and developmental stages. Allowing and even carelessly supporting lewd behavior from young people is like writing a scene on their storyboards that says, “I’m open for anything.” If these young people were 21 or older, this might be a different situation (and their decision, whether poor or not), but they aren’t; they’re minors. They aren’t even old enough to drive in most cases.

You have to wonder how many girls might have been salvaged from sexual abuse if their parents and other authority figures had not supported–or ignored–their laid out enticements for others. How many rapes might never have occurred if a 13-year-old hadn’t been allowed to act and dress like a cheap and trashy 30-year-old?

At least, in part, what you are today helps define what occurs in your life tomorrow; it is obvious cause and effect. Scenario: A 13-year-old girl in a Playboy bunny t-shirt with an openly lewd attitude is going to the same school where a man with a potentially dangerous sexual appetite is working. Does that spell enough disaster for you?

flammobammo

Couldn’t agree more! I’ve seen way too much make up on an increasing number of 12 years olds recently.

The home of Tom Bammann » Blog Archive » A 13-Year-Old is Not a Playboy Bunny

[...] LeliaThomas.Com has written about something I was thinking about recently: “A 13-Year-Old is Not a Playboy Bunny”. The post talks about kids/young teenagers acting much older than they should be. Worth a read if you’ve ever had the same feelings. [...]

Katie

I agree to an extent. I believe that most kids will find ways to dress this way, whether thier parents let them or not, if they really want to. I have seen too many girls coming into gym with decent clothes, then leaving in a completely disgusting outfit to believe that parents could stop this. I believe that something parents could control is a child’s behaivor and circle of friends. Too many parents think it is okay for thier children to go to concerts and parties late at night. This is where predators really get the opportunity to prey on kids, and I would know, for this is how I got raped. My parents did not think twice about me going to my friend April’s house for a “sleepover.” I believe that if my parents would have taken a some time to get to know April a better, I wouldn’t have been at that party.

Laura

Agreed. Altho many rapes happen for now reason at all. Take a 8 year old. and a 16 year old. The 16 year old knows alot more about this than the 8 year old. yet he continues to have sex with her. gross. much. I (the 8 year old) never dressed in a lewd manner…and still don’t. sure I have a few low cut tops..not so low that when I’m sitting down a guy can walk past ans see my bra, but low cut tops I’ll admitt it. But I never dressed like that when I was 8. I usually wore t-shirts and shorts. But I was still raped. So yea in some cases the girls do bring it on…but I beleive in mine I didn’t.

A Look Back on 2006 » LeliaThomas.Com

[...] One of the entries I wrote in January, A 13-Year-Old is Not a Playboy Bunny, continues to be one of my most-visited entries, mainly because many people are searching for 13-to-16-year-old pornography websites. Lovely thing to know, isn’t it? [...]

Jan Jan

interesting read. (i found this from a link on your journal on deviantart lol) i myself am 16, however im not one of these kids who wear really slutty clothing, i find it kind of disgusting, but im more like one of those “goth” people >_>

it did make me think a bit, and i can understand where you are coming from as an adult and possible parent (i dunno if you are), but also many kids are different. a lot of them wanna fit in and stuff but everyone has their own personality, and some just dont listen to their parents no matter what, what can a parent do then? also some kids don’t want their parents to be so involved in their life or something, i myself prefer being alone more than them asking me questions about what i’m doing all the time. either way, i find a lot of girls (and boys) end up all wearing the same thing, like clones, all looking half like prostitutes, i think its not just the parents fault but also their friends and stuff too, cause theres a lot of pressure these days on kids to be “cool”, so obviously they’re gonna want to buy the same kind of clothes.

and this really has no point, but sex is seriously overrated. i must be one of the few percent of my school who almost hates it sometimes lol, maybe its tv, maybe its video games, i cant say cause im not one of those people, but who knows…when a kid reaches their teenage years they start challenging everything their parents say, so the “disaplines” and “teachings” of younger years kind of goes up in smoke as kids get hooked up with drugged friends having orgies all over the place. its really messed up lol, the human race has officially disgusted me. its no wonder im “goth” or depressed? meh

Chancy

you are ass holes

Chancy

bitches

Kate

I am 14 and my best friend (15) is getting a playboy bunny tatoo on her leg. I told her it was a bad idea, but she said she didn’t care. After that she told her lettle sister (13) to get one too, so she did. Keep in mind that their parents have know sense of parenting.

kav p

Ho ho! I love how people keep reading your posts and assuming that you’re an adult, probably in your thirties or something. Maybe you should have a disclaimer saying: ‘I’m really just an ordinary kid just like yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooou!’ :|

Also, I’m not quite sure who the crap Chancy is talking to; perhaps just taking a ‘Chancy’ at whoever will listen. Oh God I’m good.

k

Yes, I believe that it is time for us to take back our children. We are letting thr media,etc. tell us how we should teach our children. In the past ,parents were the primariy teachers and educators. The government has taken that from us. Telling us how to discipline our children. Children today have no fear of their parent as they once did. Therefore, they know they are going to get poppedfor saying fresh thing to the teacher, staff or other authorities. We need to work together to get the right fear back into our children before we have no future. I think that the child welfare laws need some modification adjustments. If you have a strong willed child the job of the parent, educators and administrator is to (1) reassure the child it is ok to be who God has created you to be. We must teach them how to make their strong personality be positive ,warm and effective not offensive. However we have educators who are not up for the challenge. They ONLY want to give the information but not teach to children how to process and digest the information properly. SO WHAT DO WE DO NOW? WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?

Megan

Hi Lelia,

I was actually doing some research on this topic for my blog when this entry of yours popped up as one of the most viewed on the topic (#5 after advertisements for the said Playboy T-shirt). I appreciate what you’ve written here and I hope it’s ok if I reference your entry in my blog for further reading on the subject.

Yes. It’s time to take back our kids. But it’s also time to put some value back in ourselves. How is branding by the likes of brands like Playboy acceptable for public wear? What is the message that’s being sent here to the masses? Instead of banishing the horrible, the inappropriate, the tacky, why don’t we focus on celebrating the styles and cultures that ARE positive and helpful when shaping young minds? Our cultures of need, the all-motivating and ever-incomplete self esteem (or ego), and fear have moved to the driver’s seat for many cultures all over the world. And everyone pays the price.

Denae

I am a teenager (17) that wears playboy things and my whole room is decorated in playboy! just because you wear playboy stuff you are not sexually active or whatever… and there is perverts everywhere not just in the schools and you don’t even have to be wearing anything suggestive for them to notice you. so i do not agree with your entry at all. I have wore playboy apparal and other accessories for about 2-3 years now. I love the playboy bunny logo. that is why i have all of these things… and yes i have research playboy and know what its all about, and it still doesnt bother me, so it shouldn’t bother you. if you do not like something someone is wearing or whatever don’t look and them and don’t say anything… because like my mom always said if you don’t have something nice to say don’t say anything. and im sorry if playboy is offensive to you, but your not always gonna get things your way, and everything might not always please you…. thank you! Denae

Denae

what is wrong with you people, you all are labeling people that wear those clothes sluts… um you guys don’t even know if its true or not… how bout you all grow up and quit labeling people… and for the girl talking about sluts… when she said she is kinda goth… then how do you feel when people label and judge you… im pretty sure you get upset right, then i would appriciate it if you didn’t label others… and you know what i think about this topic… people come from different up bringings, different lifes… were not judging you for your lifestyle or clothing choice so don’t do it on us either… you guys are ignorant for judging others… you need to realize were not in the freaking 1800’s and were not gonna be all girly in dresses… so get over it. and that is my thought on this… Denae

Lelia

Denae,

The problem is that it does carry a label, and you know that, and that’s why you choose to wear it and decorate your room in it. No one has called you a slut directly (if I did in this post, please quote me, word for word). No, what I did say is that it is an inappropriate label for young women who, in my mind, want to be treated as more than objects.

And you’re right. People don’t always get what they want, and what you want is to not be treated like an object, but you give the outward projection of it by sporting a logo that has represented as such for decades now. What you wear is not, of course, a total representation of who you are, but it is a suggestion, and it does affect your first impressions on people. If you think, simply because I don’t support young women wearing things that suggest they are mere objects, that I believe we should all be wearing skirts, you are sorely wrong.

Symbols affect how people see us. What if everyone just decided to start wearing swastikas? Or what if you wore all black or stripes? What if you were Hindu and wore a fertility dot (pottu, I believe it is) on your forehead? All of these are symbols, representations, and they affect how the world and people around you see you. This does matter, especially when it comes to certain symbols. It can make people look down on you and treat you differently. There’s nothing wrong in being different, but if your choice in being “rebellious” causes negative things in your life, including how people see you (and therefore affecting your experience of the world), then it’s not worth it.

I can assure you that when you’re wearing a Playboy bunny shirt your teachers view you differently from other girls who are not wearing them. That’s not opinion. That’s fact.

And if you want to make a statement in wearing this logo, even if it’s only because you like the bunny logo itself, you’re going to have to learn that there are opposing views to yours that are, actually, hoping the best for you. I’m sorry I don’t want you to be treated like an object. I’m sorry I don’t want you to be associated with [another] multi-billion-dollar corporation that’s made money off of tits and bums. I’m sorry I don’t want people to think of Hugh Hefner when they see you. I’m sorry I don’t want you to be associated with a company that promotes hardcore pornography through television (Spike Network) and other media (ClubJenna). I’m sorry that I think it’s sad your mother thinks all those things are okay for you as a young woman.

All for a stupid fucking bunny symbol. Doesn’t seem worth it to me.

P.S. - Just so you understand, you are judging my opinions and thoughts here, so don’t think you aren’t, just simply because you think your end of the argument is right. That’s stupid.

Comments are going to be closed now. I’m sick of hearing young girls tell me how they know everything and of other people thinking I’m 30+ simply because I don’t think young girls should be associated with a tits and bum magazine. Sorry, world!

A 13-Year-Old STILL Isn’t a Playboy Bunny » LeliaThomas.Com

[...] I wrote A 13-Year-Old is Not a Playboy Bunny back in January of 2006, I didn’t quite expect to get the some of the outrage against my [...]