LeliaThomas.Com

Sex, AIDS, and the Pursuit of Happiness

I’ve mentioned it to some before: the extreme casual sex that went on at the public high school I attended and the precarious future it gave innocent children who were born out of wedlock–hell, born out of one night stands. You’d think, from seeing the horrific outcomes of those “relationships,” I’d be an abortion rights Nazi or believe we should be selling condoms for a quarter beside every soda machine. That isn’t how I feel, though–not at all, in fact.

Surprise! Your kid’s got cooties and a baby on the way!

When I look at what teenagers, hell, children, are allowed to do these days, the children they are allowed to have and keep (which usually, though not always, is not a good thing), it’s no wonder to me that we live in a world of AIDS and STDs or that the children in these relationships and born of these relationships sometimes feel confused and weird as they grow up. I would think that it would be weird to have a mother only 13 years older than you are; there are siblings with larger age gaps.

It’s no wonder to me that 1 in 4 people in the U.S. have an STD, and that a quarter of those with an STD don’t even know they have it. It’s no wonder to me that the vast number of AIDS and STD infected people are in the 19-25 age group and younger. It’s not a shocker.

The politically correct viewpoint is to hand a kid a condom, reel off some educational blurb to them, show them a few pictures and diagrams, and then say, “Go have fun.”

But that’s really sickening and lazy, I think, because that’s not all there is to it.

Be an adult; draw a line for your children.

As a society, we have to draw some sort of a line where we say, “Show some self-control.” This goes for everyone and in every aspect of life. Remember, as I say often in my entries, nothing in excess is good.

In lieu of drawing a line and showing self-control, however, we have drawn no line–in a lot of things. We haven’t even done the wise thing of promoting a monogamous relationship, which we all know is safer, especially if all participating parties are being honest and open. But let’s face it, how many 13 year olds do you know are going to be having a monogamous, realistic relationship? I can’t name one. Instead, I just came from the Yahoo Entertainment News page and saw a “Dear Abby” headline of a 12-year-old girl complaining that her boyfriend was cheating on her. Yeah, you read that right. Twelve years old. Boyfriend. Cheating.

Since we have this anything goes society, kids and teenagers have not only been encouraged to explore life in sexually active manners, but to do it when they want and under almost any circumstances. The popular rhetoric is, “Just so long as it’s safe!” But as many studies continue to show, a vast number of teenagers aren’t even doing that, be it that they’re just having oral sex instead or choosing to “risk it” and have unprotected sex anyway. This has to do with the fact that they are children, and many are going to make bad decisions in the process of their developmental growth.

They need some sort of parental protection. Of course a parent cannot always be there, but a parent can better educate and protect than most schoolteachers, especially if that teenagers has yet to get his or her driver’s license. But no, we say, “Be safe,” and then go on with our lives that are too busy for our children.

What is safe?

Is “safe” really going with someone you hardly know, stripping down until you are completely naked and bare of any coverage or privacy or protection, and then performing an act that could potentially bring another life into the equation wise for a young teenager, just because they have a condom and some scientific knowledge? A recent study reports that only some 10-13% of sexually active, young teenagers are consistently using condoms and using them correctly.

What happens if they do have a child from this? What if they keep the baby? Most teenagers can’t even remember to be healthy and do their chores, much less take care of another living, breathing, thinking, and growing being.

Is that all “safe?” Would you really be a loving parent if you took your 14-year-old daughter aside and said, “Sure. You can go have sex with your boyfriend so long as there’s protection. He may drop you afterward and never speak to you, emotionally scar you for years, but you go ahead. You may get pregnant or get an STD or AIDS, and you may not finish high school like a third of the girls who get pregnant while in school, but you go right ahead. It’s your decision. I’m just your parent. I have no say.” Yeah, let’s give you Mom of the Year award. Oh, and while we’re at it, let’s remind the girl that every day we’ve learning that condoms are not full proof against HPV, which causes cervical cancer in women. That should really encourage her, too!

Would you like food poisoning with your delicacy?

When I think of most cases of AIDS and other sex-related diseases, I think of an example of food poisoning. Let me lay it out:

There are four plates of food on a table. They all look good, well dressed, absolutely delicious. The catch is that one of them contains salmonella–enough to potentially kill you, depending on who you are and what you’re most susceptible to. So, knowing that you have a 1-in-4 chance of dying or coming close to it, do you cross your fingers and hope for the best as you dig in?

This is the kind of thing we want to send teenagers into? A 1-in-4 chance? Especially when the statistics are so dismal when it comes to their consistency with proper protective use (the statistics are pretty dismal for adults, too, for that matter). We want to send them into all of that and not even promote monogamy, which might at least provide a bit more safety? We’d rather just tell them to have fun and do whatever they feel like? What happens when they take that attitude into other parts of their lives?

Who’s to blame?

I can’t blame doctors or teachers. And I’ve never once said that just because I support abstinence for teens over casual sex that I don’t believe teens should be taught about condoms, birth control pills, abortion and a plethora of other sexual issues. In contrast, I think we should teach those things, but teenagers should also know the truth about some of the possible emotional and physical repercussions they may experience, once becoming sexually active, especially outside of committed relationships. (Which, again, most children and teenagers are far from capable of having.) Sex just wasn’t meant for kids; it wasn’t meant for bodies that don’t fully develop until the ages of seventeen or eighteen. For most, it is not just a physical event; it is tied to some emotions.

Who I blame most are parents, for their [usually] terrible jobs as role models and guardians. I blame parents for expecting the government and teachers in schools to do a job that is supposed to be theirs–telling their children the truth about sex and all its implications, especially the emotional ones, not just the physical ones. I blame parents for not knowing where their kids are at all times, who they’re with, what they’re likely doing. I blame parents for their indifference.

It’s not a doctor’s fault for having to deliver the baby or abort the fetus or prescribe medication for STDs. And of course, it is not all the parents’ fault when a teenager gets pregnant, but if that teenager is below the age of legal driving, then there are likely more things the parents could have done to keep their son or daughter from having just enough time with whoever they were with.

Conclusion: Keep Your Legs Closed

Teach your children everything about sex–not just the physical matters of it, either. And, if possible, try to promote the Keeping Your Legs Closed method, particularly for the typically unwise teenager.

Comments ordered from oldest to newest.

Brendan

*applause* Well said!

LeliaThomas.Com » Sex, AIDS, and the Pursuit of Happiness Part II

[...] I was adding my last entry to Wikipedia’s page on teenage pregnancy in the external links section. I’m glad I happened to read it before just moving on, because despite it’s not having a tag mark for lack of neutrality, the following comments on abstinence were some of the most biased remarks I had seen on Wikipedia in quite a while: [...]

LeliaThomas.Com » The Ignorant Must Not Rewrite History

[...] History and the understanding of freedom and liberty is being rewritten by the very people who think there’s actually no “right” or “wrong” in humanity–the people who believe freedom is the unending right to do whatever you feel like, whenever you feel like, if it makes you feel good right now, no matter the consequences it may later bring into your life or others. These are our writers, our publishers and broadcasters, our teachers, our politicians. [...]

Annie Max

appreciate the article, really do, but its not going to solve anything, kids will have sex, they will get STDS/pregnant and have to live with the consiquences forever, its a destiny that is unavoidable without revamping all social views/codes. instead of focusing on stoping sex, becasue it is human instinct, focus on a cure for these problems. YOu can’t stop peoople from having sex, its a fact of life, change how they do it to make it safer and you will make the difference.

Luke

Wow, obviously the person above me didn’t even bother to read what you wrote. Some people just can’t see past the rhetoric. Civilizations were built by people who learned to control their basic instincts. Anyone can learn self control, period.

Delight

Whenever Duality is introduced, a black & white, all or nothing response… automatically you must know, that something is off.

The more that sex is inhibited, the more it wants to exert itself. That is how we are controlled as a society don’t you know?

I think, the answer is education.
Educate teens on the Reality of Sex, attraction, relationships, and the fact that the act of sex just may create another body in the world to take care of.

I Know! How about some relationship education? Why study algebra, when society can’t even relate to each other, nevermind complicated math facts?

Just a thought… What do you think? What are you willing to add to the solution?

shekar

thanx..i missed my sex education in class today.thank you very much.

Faisal

I’ve just finished this long and interesting, infrmative article. By adding to the visions of the author, I would agree, liers have to pay too much in their lives, dont’ tell a lie to yourself, to your parent, to your partner. When you can not face the truth with them, don’t do for that you would have to tell a lie and things may come to control. Yes, self control is the key to success. Get married with a person you like, don’t go for safer sex or safety like things as if it is you only marrying your partner, safety question does not arise except to avoid pregnancy. Sexual Fun with other than your spouse and affairs, all have proven to be damaging in many ways, we all know, the only question is , would we like to be a happy healthy human being or we like to be enrolled as about to die beast in sex world. On the view point of self control and monitoring of children in a family that itself practices the norms of limits, a good brain and body can be nurtured. So, apparantly very difficult, actually simple, decision is ours.

Thanks

Elliott

Great article! Lately I’ve been going really straight-edge about drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, and I’ve never done anything sexual in my life, but I’ve been thinking a lot about why it’s not good to start while I’m this young, since I’ve been learning about AIDS and STDS in Health class it’s really changed my outlook on life. Thanks.

Ronald

I agree with everything you said

SJ

Good article. I think also another problem to the underage sex stuff is the notion of invincability that these teenagers exhibit. “It can’t happen to me”, or more barbarically, “AIDS is a gay disease, and I’m not gay” and “only prostitutes get pregnant, and I’m not one” (you’re just not getting paid for it). It has to be put in teenager’s heads that disease and pregnancy is indiscriminate. Teenagers, grow up! Stop treating sex as an act of rebellion, something I consider extremely immature.

Rod

I think this article is very biased. I’m not sure if the writer is some sort of religious activist but I wouldn’t doubt so. Beliving that abstinence promotion will keep teenagers from involving in risky sexual activities is not only irresponsible but also dumb. Sex is a human instinct and even if it’s true that self control should reduce the risk, it cannot be the only strategy to get children away from danger. If it were to be that simple, what about telling them to stay away from drugs, cigarette, alcohol, etc. Shouldn’t this solve the problem? Now imagine you are talking about a natural instinct, and things get notoriously worse.

Lelia

You know, Rod, it’s people like you that make me want to stab my eyeball with an unsharpened pencil.

Just because this article is long, doesn’t mean even part of its information isn’t important to the whole. And when you only read half of it and form an opinion, it REALLY SHOWS when you write a comment, okay?

You said, “Beliving that abstinence promotion will keep teenagers from involving in risky sexual activities is not only irresponsible but also dumb.

GUESS WHAT, Rod? I didn’t suggest that. In fact, if you had taken a little more time to finish this, you might have read:

And I’ve never once said that just because I support abstinence for teens over casual sex that I don’t believe teens should at least know about condoms, birth control pills, and abortion; in contrast, I think they should, but they should know the truth about those things. Sex just wasn’t meant for kids; it wasn’t meant for bodies that don’t fully develop until the ages of seventeen or eighteen.

Next time read everything; otherwise, you just come off as an uninformed jackass.

Rod

Hi Leila, it’s good to see you answer the comments.

As you say: GUESS WHAT?? I DID read your article completly and even when you say

And I’ve never once said that just because I support abstinence for teens over casual sex that I don’t believe teens should at least know about condoms, birth control pills, and abortion; in contrast, I think they should, but they should know the truth about those things. Sex just wasn’t meant for kids; it wasn’t meant for bodies that don’t fully develop until the ages of seventeen or eighteen.

you are contradicting yourself when you stated

Where the hell did you get that? By the time you’re ten-years-old, if you haven’t learned almost by osmosis what a condom is and that you can get them for free from your local health department, even without parents’ consent, you obviously haven’t been hanging around those who are always into sex (for which I commend you). And if you haven’t at the very least seen a million and one commercials for condoms and birth control pills, then you obviously never watch television (again, I’d commend you).

here you’re clearly refuting Dr. S. Paige Hertweck (a pediatric obstetrician-gynecologist at the University of Louisville blah blah) about the fact that lack of birth control education in “abstinence only” programs can lead to riskier behaviors.
So you CLEARLY mean that “abstinence only” education programs are BETTER than mixed or birth control orientated education programs. That’s why I wrote your position is dumb.

Moreover, the idea that sex education “is all over the place” may apply, in the best of the cases, to very urban countries and cities, but let my remind you (as I assume you’re from one very industrialized place) that there are countless countries and cities in the world, and even areas in first world countries i bet, where young boys and girls who don’t receive prevention-orientated sexual education in schools, don’t know a condom or why is it for until they reach adulthood or later, BUT, as sex is a natural thing since we are sexual beings, they start having it from their teenage years. THAT is where problem begins in most cases. It’s more about ingnorance than about decency. It’s more about giving them the knowledge to prevent the problems than about relying on pseudo-moral (or religious?) beliefs to hope things will get better, but maybe, it will only get worse.

And, you know what? Sex is indeed fun and should be reasonably safe (at least as driving a car with a seat belt), but it WON’T BE safe if people don’t recognize and put in practice consistently the ONLY known methods to make it safe.

Laura

I agree with you 100%. I’m doing a research project for Abstinence in my health class. I’m only 14 and agree on how Abstinence is rarely pushed. Maybe the kids in America who want to remain virgins till the time is right should get the word out. After all, it is proven that kids listen to other kids more than adults.

studentttt .. word =)

this really helped me write a paper for my english class, thanks!

Timothy Porter

Just so you all know. I do enjoy the passing of the blaim that the entire middle aged baby boomer society… You guys have passed the blaim your entire lifes. From the fact that drugs were safe… to the sex not being a problem. We learned from your example then want to blaim us for your problems…. Your generation has been the largest and most pathetic excuse for a group of human beings that the world has ever known. Within your lifetime you have destroyed what thousand of years of work and knowlage that has been created… Then hay like always its not our fault…. No of course little Timmy is out at a party (unsupervised) and then bam he gets laid and gets a young lady pregnant. The lack of education on condoms is amazing… I remember going through highschool and learning on a banana …. Hum if your penis looks like that then you might want to see a doctor… I think that children are going to have sex wether you like it or not and to say that a child is not ready to have sex is just creating a delusional world where you can say that “oh my kid would never do that.” Your generation is an generation of blaim ( i do understand the irony in this message) but your parents didnt just say: “well little wally go ahead and go to jimmys house and stay over night……” No they would have checked and they would have probally have gone over to the house to check on the parents or just to see that the parents are at home….. Yet your generation believes that the children deserve to be treated as equals…. Wait a minute I though that you said that children are children and arn’t ready to make life altering decisions on their owns….. Hum the US goverment has dictated you as caretakers and gardiens of these children and when you drop the ball; well its not your fault then… Who’s fault is it. Is it a “child” who as many of you have pointed out do not have the mental capacity to controle them selfs or is it the parent who is too “busy” to watch your children… For all of those of you who think that you are too “busy” do us a favor and shut off the television and get off the couch.. See what your children are doing. Judge their character and allow them to make mistakes… Dont drill them about what to do and what not to do… Give sugestions and tell them about your own life experiences of why you would not do it. People need to learn on their own but by giving information a well informed child can make their own mistakes but in a controled fastion so that they might break the cycle of pain or problem. If you think that children are learning bad things from television…. How about this not tv in their room and monitoring their tv consumption… Violent video games- quick fix you can look on the box and the ages are there (and if your still not shure there is a good chance that there is a trial demo online for the game…. Dont know how to do it … ask your kid) …. Movie too gorie or conflicts with your political views. it probabally would have been a good idea to read the previews first…. If you are democratic or republican or just looking for a good wholesome or non biased review the internet is an amazing place to find information about a movie…. Even before its out. There are websites that cator to christian viewers (if you are sooo inclined so) That will get their hands on a preview of the movie and tell you what they thoughht of it in a christian stance… The information is there if you look for it…. and if you dont know how have your children help you. Not only is it somthing that you can do together and bond with (i wish I had done more of that with my parents before I got older) it is also a way for some of you not sooo computer savvy people to get a little more about linking into the web. For single parents this is also much easier than you would ever believe to do also unless you think that your child is worth less than an hour of over time. (a cheep computer with a monitor, tower (cpu), keyboard and printer wont cost you much over 300 dollars…. And if that is tooo much…. There is this thing that a lot of people dont use anymore….. Its called a library. It might be inconvient but when your child turns out like Jeffory Dommer or Timothy Lafay you can at least say that you taught him right from wrong and didnt allow the media to spin reality toward his perversion. And all the time you can be saving up money for a computer. A dollar here and a their couple of quarters there and within a couple of months you have a brand new machine… May not be the best but it will be somthing that you earned and can take pride in. (also …. dont put the computer in the child’s bed room, Jeffory daulmer started with those kind of pictures and look where he ended up) A computer (or two depending on your needs)should be plased in a common meetting aera then while you are doing work or sufing the web you can watch your your children untill you believe that they are ready to be online un superviesed… Even then you should check on them every 15-20 minutes unmonitored just to suprise some mischevious young children… Or even a monitoring system on the computer could help. Yet if you dont agree with this…. Then you might enjoy a little heathen running around…. Your choice. Please with any comments or concerns write back I want to know what you think about the whole review / comment not just the heated messages.

Al

Thanks for letting people know how much better abstinence is. I do go against the crowd in this subject, and I’ve found it quite an asset to not only abstain from sex, but even abstaining from sexually explicit material. I am glad to say that consequently I have never had an STD, and i have found so many great ways to spend my since I had the extra energy and peace of mind. I still look forward to having sex, but I feel so glad that I have kept my sexuality as a part of my life rather than making my life a sidekick of my sexuality

Al

Thanks for letting people know how much better abstinence is. I do go against the crowd in this subject, and I’ve found it quite an asset to not only abstain from sex, but even abstaining from sexually explicit material. I am glad to say that consequently I have never had an STD, and i have found so many great ways to spend my TIME since I had the extra energy and peace of mind. I still look forward to having sex, but I feel so glad that I have kept my sexuality as a part of my life rather than making my life a sidekick of my sexuality

falk

Dr.Hertweck is a researcher. Don’t kill the messenger. She’s just sharing the statistics. She knows that kids will engage in sexual activity because they are, now. She collects data to give to parents who ignore her and then she must deliver the babies of 12 year old mothers hugging teddy bears and it breaks her heart. Those little girls tell her that they thought they only needed condoms during their periods, and their boyfriend wouldn’t use one, and they said ok because they didn’t want him to like someone else. A defense attorney, had a case - a young couple - she was 13, he was 17 - they had a baby girl. CPS took the baby even though both sets of grandparents were willing. They put the boy in jail for statutory rape. He was about to graduate from high school and had a job that would become full time right after school. The were going to get married before the baby came. Both sets of parents consented. He spent a year in jail. He’s out. The Atty got the charges reduced to a misdemeanor so that when he’s old enough he can vote and some one might hire him and he can see his daughter at the supervised CPS visits. These children didn’t know what abstinence meant literally. Didn’t know the definition. They live in a little town way out in the country. Their parents said practise abstinence - they said yes sir - thought it was like mind your manners. They are just kind of simple. And they are all so nice - the families are standing by them - the parents realise they didn’t say enough. And Dr. Hertweck did a study that shows even with birth control, teenagers are going to get pregnant (just not as many). I think reading a little Darwin would go a long way here.